So Will and I were talking during a long car ride about
nonsense which then led to us discussing love and relationships. Will was like
“So I think the reason I’m single is because I like to have control in a
relationship and I feel like I would lose that control if I start to consider
the other persons feelings. So I end things before that because I don’t want to
lose control of the relationship.” Then I was all like “What do you mean by
lose control?” So Will describes wanting to be in control of his life and
wanting to have control in a romantic relationship and maintain that throughout
but not being able to if he starts to think about the other persons feelings
before making certain decisions.
My thoughts on this: They are many. Having control in
relationship is great but it doesn’t have to be a one way street. There is a
certain level of intimacy present in a romantic relationship that isn’t part of
a familial or platonic relationship. Having fear or anxiety about a significant
others influence on your life is understandable. But we do it with friends and
family so we’re capable of handling the situation with significant others.
Furthermore we shouldn’t view this as a situation where we would be losing
control. This would be a great opportunity to work together with your partner.
You don’t have to compromise but cooperation is great. I am all about anything
that facilitates communication. You don’t have to do everything alone…
As far as me and my glass house… My big obstacle is
self-esteem or confidence or whatever you call it. I am overweight and I let my
insecurities about it get in the way of me enjoying my life for a long time.
Sometimes I let people define me as smart but… cute but…. funny but… or nice
but… healthy but… (haha). Then over time I realized I am all those things and
more but I let other people define me as less than because I felt insecure. Now
I have decided to enjoy me and surround myself with people who embrace
everything about me just the way I am. I am not saying I am perfect by any
means I am just saying my team supportive of me being me and there are no
contingencies for their love. Long winded explanation aside, for many years I
pushed people (men, potential partners) away because I never felt good enough
or I felt like they wouldn’t understand me. I did that to myself and I have
(but I still have to work on it sometimes) taken ownership of my actions. My
mission for this year is growth. I am working on becoming more positive about
myself because I want others to see that. I want to attract positivity from
other people. It sounds very cliché but it has worked out well for me so far
this year. I still don’t have a man but I am sure it will happen soon enough.
I’d say that’s pretty good seeing as I’m tragically single
in the city small ass town.
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